I'm sorry. I've finally realized that I can't finish this last post with details of my final days in Spain. Now, I could tell you that it is because there is just too much to tell and I don't have time, both of which are true. But neither of those are really the real reason. When I was in those moments of waking up where you aren't really awake but aren't sleeping either, I realized that I would never be able to finish telling about my trip because I don't want to. I guess that getting it all out there would mean that there would be nothing left to tell, meaning that the story is done, and that that chapter has been closed. And, honestly, I'm not ready to have that happen. So, this is officially the last thing I will write on this blog. I hope y'all enjoyed reading it at least a little. So, till next time...
Actually not till next time. Just so y'all know, I'm really bad at goodbyes and conclusions. I can do intros, especially in writing, but I can't conclude. So, I apologize for the let down that this conclusion to the blog is.
Ciao,
Nico
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
Final Post - Part 1
First off, I should probably apologize. I should have done this post sooner, or at least done one in between my previous one and this one. So, I am sorry that I didn't.
Anyway, now that the apology is out of the way, I can actually start writing. Or maybe I should explain myself first. Yeah, that probably would be a good idea.
So, I didn't do this post for two simple reasons. First, I wasn't ready. Second, I didn't want to. I should probably explain those with a bit more detail: You see, I wasn't ready to do this post, and I really still am not. Nor do I really want to do this post. You see, I have this dumb sense that if I keep this last post inside me, I am keeping a part of Spain inside me. And I don't want to let any of Spain go. But this morning, when I returned to my old high school for the first time since returning to do registration, I realized that no matter how much I wanted to hold on to Spain, I had to move on. You see, I try to live my life by living in the moment, not by holding on to the past. And life is much more enjoyable that way. But, in the two weeks I've had since coming back, I have been trying to cling to the past. And walking in the doors of my high school and seeing all these people that I used to know, I realized that I wasn't truly happy. All I wanted to do was go running home to Spain. But that is not a possibility, and that is why I have to move on and look forward. I mean, I'm going into my fucking senior year of high school. I should be fucking excited, not bummed out. And so I realized it was time to do this post and release what I have tried to trap of Spain inside me. So, that being said, here I am. I guess I will go ahead and update y'all on what's been happening over the last month of my life, so without further delay, the long, sometimes boring summary of what has been happening in my life:
I guess the last time I posted was the week before I left Soto, so I will start there. That week consisted of a pair of big parties I went to, saying a few more goodbyes, and getting on a 1:30 am bus heading to Santander. Oh, and a bit of packing. Or really, a fair amount of packing. But nothing much to go into detail about, except for maybe the bus. You see, I got on that bus for a very specific reason: to go to Santander. Wow, sorry for that last sentence. I got a bit of writer's block there, combined with a small brain-freeze caused by the Jamba Juice I am drinking. Anyway, I got... Actually, I just have to say this before getting back to the main part: one of the best parts of being back has been being able to have foods and drinks I missed (such as Chipotle, Jamba Juice, and hot wings) while in Spain. Anyway, getting on that bus to Santander marked the start of my three-week-long backpacking trip that I had been planning for the past 4 or 5 months. And so that was quite exciting. So that morning, Friday the 22nd I think it was, we got into Santander. And started walking. Now, that first day we had planned to take it easy and only walk 20 or 25 km, but, you see, one of the two friends that were coming with me had just gotten back from Mallorca the day before. Why is that a problem you may ask. Well, because he is an idiot. You see, he barely had time to pack before having to catch the bus, and so, logically, he forgot something. Unfortunately, that thing was one of the key items for our trip: the camping gas. So we couldn't eat dinner without it. So that first day we walked 40 km and hitch-hiked another 5 in search of camping gas. And finally we found it, which was good, but it was late when we found it, which was not so good. Because we still had to go out in search of a place to camp. Anyway, to make a long story short, we finally found a place to camp in a forest up on a hill. We then made ourselves a dinner of rice and tomato, which along with pasta with tomato was one of the staple foods of our trip, with the newly bought camping gas, and then finally went to bed extremely tired. And I am running out of gas, which usually means that my writing becomes shittier than usual, so I guess I'm going to give it a break for now. Anyway, I have an orthodontist appointment now, which I am quite mad about. You see, I should have my braces off by now, but when the orthodontist adjusted my braces in order to pull down my broken tooth before I left, he tightened it in a way that made it go from straight to crooked. So now he has to adjust it so that it straightens out again. Which means I probably get to have braces for a month or two more. So, simply put, I am pissed. Anyway, I will try and finish, or at least continue this later today, and if that doesn't happen then it definitely will be done by the end of the week. So, till next time.
Anyway, now that the apology is out of the way, I can actually start writing. Or maybe I should explain myself first. Yeah, that probably would be a good idea.
So, I didn't do this post for two simple reasons. First, I wasn't ready. Second, I didn't want to. I should probably explain those with a bit more detail: You see, I wasn't ready to do this post, and I really still am not. Nor do I really want to do this post. You see, I have this dumb sense that if I keep this last post inside me, I am keeping a part of Spain inside me. And I don't want to let any of Spain go. But this morning, when I returned to my old high school for the first time since returning to do registration, I realized that no matter how much I wanted to hold on to Spain, I had to move on. You see, I try to live my life by living in the moment, not by holding on to the past. And life is much more enjoyable that way. But, in the two weeks I've had since coming back, I have been trying to cling to the past. And walking in the doors of my high school and seeing all these people that I used to know, I realized that I wasn't truly happy. All I wanted to do was go running home to Spain. But that is not a possibility, and that is why I have to move on and look forward. I mean, I'm going into my fucking senior year of high school. I should be fucking excited, not bummed out. And so I realized it was time to do this post and release what I have tried to trap of Spain inside me. So, that being said, here I am. I guess I will go ahead and update y'all on what's been happening over the last month of my life, so without further delay, the long, sometimes boring summary of what has been happening in my life:
I guess the last time I posted was the week before I left Soto, so I will start there. That week consisted of a pair of big parties I went to, saying a few more goodbyes, and getting on a 1:30 am bus heading to Santander. Oh, and a bit of packing. Or really, a fair amount of packing. But nothing much to go into detail about, except for maybe the bus. You see, I got on that bus for a very specific reason: to go to Santander. Wow, sorry for that last sentence. I got a bit of writer's block there, combined with a small brain-freeze caused by the Jamba Juice I am drinking. Anyway, I got... Actually, I just have to say this before getting back to the main part: one of the best parts of being back has been being able to have foods and drinks I missed (such as Chipotle, Jamba Juice, and hot wings) while in Spain. Anyway, getting on that bus to Santander marked the start of my three-week-long backpacking trip that I had been planning for the past 4 or 5 months. And so that was quite exciting. So that morning, Friday the 22nd I think it was, we got into Santander. And started walking. Now, that first day we had planned to take it easy and only walk 20 or 25 km, but, you see, one of the two friends that were coming with me had just gotten back from Mallorca the day before. Why is that a problem you may ask. Well, because he is an idiot. You see, he barely had time to pack before having to catch the bus, and so, logically, he forgot something. Unfortunately, that thing was one of the key items for our trip: the camping gas. So we couldn't eat dinner without it. So that first day we walked 40 km and hitch-hiked another 5 in search of camping gas. And finally we found it, which was good, but it was late when we found it, which was not so good. Because we still had to go out in search of a place to camp. Anyway, to make a long story short, we finally found a place to camp in a forest up on a hill. We then made ourselves a dinner of rice and tomato, which along with pasta with tomato was one of the staple foods of our trip, with the newly bought camping gas, and then finally went to bed extremely tired. And I am running out of gas, which usually means that my writing becomes shittier than usual, so I guess I'm going to give it a break for now. Anyway, I have an orthodontist appointment now, which I am quite mad about. You see, I should have my braces off by now, but when the orthodontist adjusted my braces in order to pull down my broken tooth before I left, he tightened it in a way that made it go from straight to crooked. So now he has to adjust it so that it straightens out again. Which means I probably get to have braces for a month or two more. So, simply put, I am pissed. Anyway, I will try and finish, or at least continue this later today, and if that doesn't happen then it definitely will be done by the end of the week. So, till next time.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The List
And so the list shortens as yet more names are ticked off.
You see, I leave Soto del Real in less than a week, so I have already started my goodbyes. You know, I find goodbyes quite interesting. You see, on the surface, goodbyes really are a bummer. And on the surface I don't like them. But they really are quite good. First of all, they make you actually realize who has impacted you and who you should appreciate. And they make you appreciate that person. I have probably already said goodbye to around 30 people, among them some of my best friends, and until I started to do goodbyes, I didn't even realize that some of them would be people I would feel the need to say goodbye to. For example, I just got back from an end of the year basketball thing, and I went thinking I would say goodbye and thanks to just my coach. But I found that I couldn't allow myself to leave until I said goodbye to a handful of other people in the organization. And until that goodbye moment, you don't really realize how important or how much some one has done for you over the course of your relationship with them. And realizing how much I have under-appreciated some of the people I have gotten to know over the course of my year here really almost makes me feel guilty, which, as those of you that know me well should know, is not very common. And that is what makes goodbyes a good thing.
The other thing that is good about goodbyes is that they allow you to see exactly what your relationship is with the person you are saying goodbye to. When you are saying goodbye, everything that you have built up with someone since you first met them is compressed into one single moment. And in that moment, you see exactly what your relationship was. Whether it was that of close friends, or that of friends who would go out and party together but not hang out every day together, or that of just passing business-like acquaintances. Because, in that moment, both parties step out from behind their walls, and just let their guard down, and just show exactly what they feel. And because of this, I, at least in a way, really do like goodbyes. And especially goodbyes between real friends. I mean, the feeling you get when you are giving a goodbye hug to a close friend is just beyond compare. The feeling of your love for them flowing out of you and into the hug, and their love for you seeping into you, it's just amazing. I mean, it is way better than any drug, or at least any drug I have tried. And really it is a feeling that you can't and won't get anywhere else, and that feeling really draws me in, and almost makes me enjoy the goodbye, even though I know that it means not seeing that person again, at least for a while.
But anyway, the point of the post was to say that the time for goodbyes has started. And, although I would rather just stay here and not have to say goodbye, they have to be done.
Well, at the moment I don't have anything more to say, so I will go ahead and leave y'all with a song that has kind of been my song of the moment over the past couple days. Here's a link to it: Closing Time - Semisonic
So, that is all. A few more random short posts might come over the next week as I slowly mentally destabilize as a result of the goodbyes, but I don't know. Till next time.
You see, I leave Soto del Real in less than a week, so I have already started my goodbyes. You know, I find goodbyes quite interesting. You see, on the surface, goodbyes really are a bummer. And on the surface I don't like them. But they really are quite good. First of all, they make you actually realize who has impacted you and who you should appreciate. And they make you appreciate that person. I have probably already said goodbye to around 30 people, among them some of my best friends, and until I started to do goodbyes, I didn't even realize that some of them would be people I would feel the need to say goodbye to. For example, I just got back from an end of the year basketball thing, and I went thinking I would say goodbye and thanks to just my coach. But I found that I couldn't allow myself to leave until I said goodbye to a handful of other people in the organization. And until that goodbye moment, you don't really realize how important or how much some one has done for you over the course of your relationship with them. And realizing how much I have under-appreciated some of the people I have gotten to know over the course of my year here really almost makes me feel guilty, which, as those of you that know me well should know, is not very common. And that is what makes goodbyes a good thing.
The other thing that is good about goodbyes is that they allow you to see exactly what your relationship is with the person you are saying goodbye to. When you are saying goodbye, everything that you have built up with someone since you first met them is compressed into one single moment. And in that moment, you see exactly what your relationship was. Whether it was that of close friends, or that of friends who would go out and party together but not hang out every day together, or that of just passing business-like acquaintances. Because, in that moment, both parties step out from behind their walls, and just let their guard down, and just show exactly what they feel. And because of this, I, at least in a way, really do like goodbyes. And especially goodbyes between real friends. I mean, the feeling you get when you are giving a goodbye hug to a close friend is just beyond compare. The feeling of your love for them flowing out of you and into the hug, and their love for you seeping into you, it's just amazing. I mean, it is way better than any drug, or at least any drug I have tried. And really it is a feeling that you can't and won't get anywhere else, and that feeling really draws me in, and almost makes me enjoy the goodbye, even though I know that it means not seeing that person again, at least for a while.
But anyway, the point of the post was to say that the time for goodbyes has started. And, although I would rather just stay here and not have to say goodbye, they have to be done.
Well, at the moment I don't have anything more to say, so I will go ahead and leave y'all with a song that has kind of been my song of the moment over the past couple days. Here's a link to it: Closing Time - Semisonic
So, that is all. A few more random short posts might come over the next week as I slowly mentally destabilize as a result of the goodbyes, but I don't know. Till next time.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Last Orientation
I'm a tad overdue for a post, and right now I'm out of school early, and the Criterium de Dauphine doesn't start to be covered on tv until 14:40, so I decided I might as well try and write a post. A couple of things before I start though. First, I've had this song stuck in my head for the past pair of weeks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoLTPcD1S4Q . Anyway, you all should listen to it. It's quite good. The second thing is that I find my head a bit jumbled at the moment, so if that is reflected in my post, I'm sorry. Anyway, here is what I have been up to since my last post:
A couple of weeks ago I went to see the bulls with my Spanish grandma at Las Ventas, which is the bull stadium in Madrid. A while ago, I said I would explain how the bulls work. And I would still like to do that, but, unfortunately, I just don't have the time or energy at the moment, and probably won't over the next few weeks, to do that. Sorry. But, on the brightside, I will put up some photos in a post in the next couple days once I have time to look through the photos that I took there.
This past weekend was my final AFS Orientation. And I quite enjoyed having the opportunity to see all of my Madrid AFS buddies, as well as one from Galicia, one last time to say goodbye. And my internet just died, which means my music stopped, which means my thought train derailed.
I fixed it, so now my music is back. And I happen to be listening to another very good song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ddd70PMxTE), so I'm happy. Anyway, to continue, we headed up to Cercedilla, a town in the northern part of the Madrid community, for Saturday and Sunday, although for me it was only Saturday afternoon and Sunday because I had exams Saturday morning, which I should probably mention before going on with this past weekend.
So, as I was saying, this past Saturday I had exams. Three of them. And they were the SAT Subject Tests. Extremely fun. Not really though. But not as bad as normal exams. Anyway, I took the Spanish one, the Math II one, and the Chemistry one. I spent Monday-midday Friday studying Chemistry nonstop, spent Friday afternoon studying Math, and didn't spend anytime studying Spanish. Unfortunately, I can't tell y'all how I did on them because I don't find out for another 16 days, but I can tell you how I think you did. As some of you probably already know, the SAT Subject Tests are scored on a curved scale from 200-800, with 800 considered a perfect score. With that in mind, here is what I am expecting to get on each test: On Spanish, I feel like I will get between a 780 and 800. On Math, between a 760 and 800. And on Chemistry, between a 650 and 750. So, I was happy with the first two, but quite disappointed with the Chemistry. But hey, that kind of stuff happens sometimes.
Anyway, back to Cercedilla. As I was saying, I got in later than everyone else because of my exams. The problem was that I had forgotten to write down the name of the Albergue we were staying at, and I also forgot to write down directions of how to get there. You all see where this is going, but I'll go ahead and tell you what happened anyway. So, I get off the train at 2:20, walk out of the station, and realize that I don't have directions of how to get there. So, I figure I'll just walk into town, because I remember what the building looked like from a picture I saw of it, and I had seen a building that looked like it could be it when I was on the train. So off I go, towards where that building more or less was. And after about a kilometer of climbing and then going down hills, I got to that building. And I saw a nun shaking sheets out of a window, as well as a big sign saying 'Primary School of blahblahblah'. So I think to myself "This is a bit of a problem, but since I know it isn't in the middle part of town, I'll just keep on heading through town until I get to the other side." And so I do that. And I get to the other side of town, look around, and say to myself "Well, it doesn't look like anything is here". So I start to turn around and head back into town, but then after a couple of minutes, one of the AFS volunteers calls me to ask where I am. And I say I am in town already, but a bit lost. So I ask how to get there, and he says it is along the main road for awhile until it forks, and from there it is up the left fork and uphill. So I thank him, hang up, and turn around to follow the road, figuring that I just didn't see it the first time. And after a few minutes, I get a call from Erika, one of the AFS students, saying that they are all waiting for me to go on a hike and that I need to hurry up. So I start to walk faster, head about a half kilometer down the road, and then decide that I was right the first time and that there was nothing this way. So I turn around, call Jon, and ask him how they got there. And he says that he can't remember, but will find someone who remembers and call back. So we hang up, and I decide to start asking the townsfolk where it is, because by now I had remembered the name. And so I go up to the first person, and they aren't from town, so they don't know. So onto the second person, who this time is from town, but doesn't know either. So I enter a little bakery to ask the storekeeper, who is an older lady who I thought would undoubtedly know. But she doesn't, so she tells me to head up the road a block to the town office, because they will know. But I get there, and they're closed. So I ask a waiter at a bar in the main square, but he doesn't know either. And you get the idea. Well, this went on for 10 or 15 minutes until I finally got a call back from Jon's phone. Well, here is the important detail that ended up messing me up and causing me to get a tad lost. You see, when you leave the train station in Cercedilla, there is one main road, but it splits into two within about 50 meters. One of those splits heads into town, while the other heads up into the mountains and away from town. I, logically, headed down the former when I first arrived, but the albergue was down the latter. Anyway, I finally figured that out on this call. And so, I turned towards the train station and started walking as fast as I could to get to the albergue because they are supposedly waiting for me in order to go on the hike. So, about 3 kilometers later, I arrive at the albergue covered in sweat. I put my stuff in my room, and then I go to find a volunteer to tell her I was here and that we could now go on the hike. It turns out that they were also waiting on another volunteer and that we wouldn't leave for another 45 minutes, so I was a bit grumpy about being told to hurry, but I was glad to have a bit of time to relax, so it worked out. Anyway, at about 4:30 we left the albergue to go on the hike with the idea that we would be back by 8:15 in order to have dinner. Well, we went quite slowly on the way to the lookout, and then took a nice long snack break by a fountain we found on the way down. So, we found ourselves hurrying to get back before the cafeteria at the albergue closed. But we made it back for dinner, so it all worked out. Anyway, after dinner we did a couple more activities, and then just hung out until the volunteers said we had to go to bed.
The next day (Sunday), was nice and relaxed. A few activities, lunch, time to relax and hang out, and then goodbye. And it was weird saying goodbye. It wasn't a oh-I'm-going-to-miss-you-so-much goodbye like I expected. It was more of a I'll-see-you-again-sometime goodbye. Which is exactly what it should have been, because honestly, I'm hoping to see everyone of them again, and I am sure that I will see at least some of them again in the future. And what's really nice is that I don't feel like I expected I would. I thought I would be all sad and empty after saying goodbye and after being reminded how little time I had left. But I don't. Instead, I feel like I had fulfilled what I had come to Spain to do. That I had finally completely changed into the person that I really am. That I had formed relationships and friendships that time and distance won't wear out and break down. And so, although I'm not ready to go home, I'm ready to go home. If you get what I'm saying. I mean, I don't want to go back to Boulder a whole lot, but I now feel like there isn't really anything that I will leave uncompleted when I do head back to Boulder. And I believe that that really was the goal of this last orientation. And in hindsight, the orientation really did its job, so kudos to the AFS volunteers who ran it.
Anyway, I don't really have anything more to say at the moment. I will aim to get another post done with the bull photos in the next week, and one more before I head off on the 22nd, so until then.
A couple of weeks ago I went to see the bulls with my Spanish grandma at Las Ventas, which is the bull stadium in Madrid. A while ago, I said I would explain how the bulls work. And I would still like to do that, but, unfortunately, I just don't have the time or energy at the moment, and probably won't over the next few weeks, to do that. Sorry. But, on the brightside, I will put up some photos in a post in the next couple days once I have time to look through the photos that I took there.
This past weekend was my final AFS Orientation. And I quite enjoyed having the opportunity to see all of my Madrid AFS buddies, as well as one from Galicia, one last time to say goodbye. And my internet just died, which means my music stopped, which means my thought train derailed.
I fixed it, so now my music is back. And I happen to be listening to another very good song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ddd70PMxTE), so I'm happy. Anyway, to continue, we headed up to Cercedilla, a town in the northern part of the Madrid community, for Saturday and Sunday, although for me it was only Saturday afternoon and Sunday because I had exams Saturday morning, which I should probably mention before going on with this past weekend.
So, as I was saying, this past Saturday I had exams. Three of them. And they were the SAT Subject Tests. Extremely fun. Not really though. But not as bad as normal exams. Anyway, I took the Spanish one, the Math II one, and the Chemistry one. I spent Monday-midday Friday studying Chemistry nonstop, spent Friday afternoon studying Math, and didn't spend anytime studying Spanish. Unfortunately, I can't tell y'all how I did on them because I don't find out for another 16 days, but I can tell you how I think you did. As some of you probably already know, the SAT Subject Tests are scored on a curved scale from 200-800, with 800 considered a perfect score. With that in mind, here is what I am expecting to get on each test: On Spanish, I feel like I will get between a 780 and 800. On Math, between a 760 and 800. And on Chemistry, between a 650 and 750. So, I was happy with the first two, but quite disappointed with the Chemistry. But hey, that kind of stuff happens sometimes.
Anyway, back to Cercedilla. As I was saying, I got in later than everyone else because of my exams. The problem was that I had forgotten to write down the name of the Albergue we were staying at, and I also forgot to write down directions of how to get there. You all see where this is going, but I'll go ahead and tell you what happened anyway. So, I get off the train at 2:20, walk out of the station, and realize that I don't have directions of how to get there. So, I figure I'll just walk into town, because I remember what the building looked like from a picture I saw of it, and I had seen a building that looked like it could be it when I was on the train. So off I go, towards where that building more or less was. And after about a kilometer of climbing and then going down hills, I got to that building. And I saw a nun shaking sheets out of a window, as well as a big sign saying 'Primary School of blahblahblah'. So I think to myself "This is a bit of a problem, but since I know it isn't in the middle part of town, I'll just keep on heading through town until I get to the other side." And so I do that. And I get to the other side of town, look around, and say to myself "Well, it doesn't look like anything is here". So I start to turn around and head back into town, but then after a couple of minutes, one of the AFS volunteers calls me to ask where I am. And I say I am in town already, but a bit lost. So I ask how to get there, and he says it is along the main road for awhile until it forks, and from there it is up the left fork and uphill. So I thank him, hang up, and turn around to follow the road, figuring that I just didn't see it the first time. And after a few minutes, I get a call from Erika, one of the AFS students, saying that they are all waiting for me to go on a hike and that I need to hurry up. So I start to walk faster, head about a half kilometer down the road, and then decide that I was right the first time and that there was nothing this way. So I turn around, call Jon, and ask him how they got there. And he says that he can't remember, but will find someone who remembers and call back. So we hang up, and I decide to start asking the townsfolk where it is, because by now I had remembered the name. And so I go up to the first person, and they aren't from town, so they don't know. So onto the second person, who this time is from town, but doesn't know either. So I enter a little bakery to ask the storekeeper, who is an older lady who I thought would undoubtedly know. But she doesn't, so she tells me to head up the road a block to the town office, because they will know. But I get there, and they're closed. So I ask a waiter at a bar in the main square, but he doesn't know either. And you get the idea. Well, this went on for 10 or 15 minutes until I finally got a call back from Jon's phone. Well, here is the important detail that ended up messing me up and causing me to get a tad lost. You see, when you leave the train station in Cercedilla, there is one main road, but it splits into two within about 50 meters. One of those splits heads into town, while the other heads up into the mountains and away from town. I, logically, headed down the former when I first arrived, but the albergue was down the latter. Anyway, I finally figured that out on this call. And so, I turned towards the train station and started walking as fast as I could to get to the albergue because they are supposedly waiting for me in order to go on the hike. So, about 3 kilometers later, I arrive at the albergue covered in sweat. I put my stuff in my room, and then I go to find a volunteer to tell her I was here and that we could now go on the hike. It turns out that they were also waiting on another volunteer and that we wouldn't leave for another 45 minutes, so I was a bit grumpy about being told to hurry, but I was glad to have a bit of time to relax, so it worked out. Anyway, at about 4:30 we left the albergue to go on the hike with the idea that we would be back by 8:15 in order to have dinner. Well, we went quite slowly on the way to the lookout, and then took a nice long snack break by a fountain we found on the way down. So, we found ourselves hurrying to get back before the cafeteria at the albergue closed. But we made it back for dinner, so it all worked out. Anyway, after dinner we did a couple more activities, and then just hung out until the volunteers said we had to go to bed.
The next day (Sunday), was nice and relaxed. A few activities, lunch, time to relax and hang out, and then goodbye. And it was weird saying goodbye. It wasn't a oh-I'm-going-to-miss-you-so-much goodbye like I expected. It was more of a I'll-see-you-again-sometime goodbye. Which is exactly what it should have been, because honestly, I'm hoping to see everyone of them again, and I am sure that I will see at least some of them again in the future. And what's really nice is that I don't feel like I expected I would. I thought I would be all sad and empty after saying goodbye and after being reminded how little time I had left. But I don't. Instead, I feel like I had fulfilled what I had come to Spain to do. That I had finally completely changed into the person that I really am. That I had formed relationships and friendships that time and distance won't wear out and break down. And so, although I'm not ready to go home, I'm ready to go home. If you get what I'm saying. I mean, I don't want to go back to Boulder a whole lot, but I now feel like there isn't really anything that I will leave uncompleted when I do head back to Boulder. And I believe that that really was the goal of this last orientation. And in hindsight, the orientation really did its job, so kudos to the AFS volunteers who ran it.
Anyway, I don't really have anything more to say at the moment. I will aim to get another post done with the bull photos in the next week, and one more before I head off on the 22nd, so until then.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Update
Hello. How are y'all doing today? Me? Well, I'm doing quite well. I'm relaxed, and extremely content. The warm weather has finally come, and the rainy weather of the past two weeks is now gone. And so, everyone's moods here have lightened up. We've been hanging out making use of the first really good weather of the season everyday over the past week, and Friday we took our first jumps into the pool here in the backyard. And it felt great. Honestly, I have not been this content and relaxed in a long time. And I love it.
Anyway, right now I'm sitting on the terrace that overhangs the backyard of my house here in Soto. And, since I don't really have anything else to do, I thought I might as well update on y'all about what I have been up to over the past couple of weeks. So...
The biggest thing that happened since my last post was that my mom came to visit. Which was great, but also quite weird. I mean, it was great seeing her, and having her meet my host family, and just catching up about everything, but at the same time it almost felt like an invasion. I mean, I have been fairly disconnected from being in the States, and in general have really separated my life there from my life here. So when part of my old life and home comes to be present in my new life and home, it is kind of scary, and the truth is that it really threw me off. I mean, when I was waiting for her outside of her hotel, I was quite nervous. I was almost as nervous to see her as I was to meet my host family for the first time. But I am quite glad she came. It was quite nice seeing her for the first time in 8 months, and I had a great time with her. It is weird though, because before she came I hadn't really realized how much I had alienated myself from the States. I thought that I had kept my two lives intertwined fairly well. But I haven't. But I'm glad I haven't. Because my life here is just so different from the one I had before leaving that it wouldn't be worth the effort trying to keep them intertwined. And anyway, I don't really think I want to keep my old life that close. You see, this whole year I have reinvented myself, and me now wouldn't fit into my old life very well. So next year will be interesting. It will almost be like this year all over again. And I'm going to treat it that way. Because if I treat it that way, it will hopefully be almost as good as this year. After my year here ends, I'll be moving to a new place again, and I will once again have to create new social ties. And like the first few months here, the few first months when I return will be hard, but if I do it right, just like here, the last months will be incredible. And that really is the mindset with which I will be returning next year. And I am quite scared to have to return, and will really hate leaving here, but that is how life works. You can't hang onto every good moment you have, and you have to keep moving on, moving forward. And so, just like this year, I will remember the past, but I will have to live in the present and hope for the best and make the most of every opportunity I am given or I make. But, luckily, I don't have to worry about that for another two months.
Anyway, before I go back to living in the present, I will finish updating y'all on the past few weeks. Other than my mom visiting, nothing much has gone on. My basketball team won our matchups in the quater and semifinals, so next weekend we have the finals. School is normal. And all the social stuff is going good. Other than that there really is nothing I can think of.
So, since there is nothing more to write, I'm going to finish my drink, go take a shower, and then get ready to go to the football game that my host brother and I are going to with his grandpa this afternoon. So, till next time.
Anyway, right now I'm sitting on the terrace that overhangs the backyard of my house here in Soto. And, since I don't really have anything else to do, I thought I might as well update on y'all about what I have been up to over the past couple of weeks. So...
The biggest thing that happened since my last post was that my mom came to visit. Which was great, but also quite weird. I mean, it was great seeing her, and having her meet my host family, and just catching up about everything, but at the same time it almost felt like an invasion. I mean, I have been fairly disconnected from being in the States, and in general have really separated my life there from my life here. So when part of my old life and home comes to be present in my new life and home, it is kind of scary, and the truth is that it really threw me off. I mean, when I was waiting for her outside of her hotel, I was quite nervous. I was almost as nervous to see her as I was to meet my host family for the first time. But I am quite glad she came. It was quite nice seeing her for the first time in 8 months, and I had a great time with her. It is weird though, because before she came I hadn't really realized how much I had alienated myself from the States. I thought that I had kept my two lives intertwined fairly well. But I haven't. But I'm glad I haven't. Because my life here is just so different from the one I had before leaving that it wouldn't be worth the effort trying to keep them intertwined. And anyway, I don't really think I want to keep my old life that close. You see, this whole year I have reinvented myself, and me now wouldn't fit into my old life very well. So next year will be interesting. It will almost be like this year all over again. And I'm going to treat it that way. Because if I treat it that way, it will hopefully be almost as good as this year. After my year here ends, I'll be moving to a new place again, and I will once again have to create new social ties. And like the first few months here, the few first months when I return will be hard, but if I do it right, just like here, the last months will be incredible. And that really is the mindset with which I will be returning next year. And I am quite scared to have to return, and will really hate leaving here, but that is how life works. You can't hang onto every good moment you have, and you have to keep moving on, moving forward. And so, just like this year, I will remember the past, but I will have to live in the present and hope for the best and make the most of every opportunity I am given or I make. But, luckily, I don't have to worry about that for another two months.
Anyway, before I go back to living in the present, I will finish updating y'all on the past few weeks. Other than my mom visiting, nothing much has gone on. My basketball team won our matchups in the quater and semifinals, so next weekend we have the finals. School is normal. And all the social stuff is going good. Other than that there really is nothing I can think of.
So, since there is nothing more to write, I'm going to finish my drink, go take a shower, and then get ready to go to the football game that my host brother and I are going to with his grandpa this afternoon. So, till next time.
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